Finding My Rainbow in the Heartland: Is Being Queer in Des Moines as Isolating as I First Thought?
I remember my first winter here, standing under the gray Iowa sky, wondering if I'd made a terrible mistake. A queer transplant from Seattle to Des Moines, I felt like I'd landed on another planet where people like me were merely theoretical.
When Corn Fields Replace Pride Parades
Des Moines surprised me though. Behind the modest Midwestern facade, I discovered pockets of vibrant queer life. That first tentative visit to The Garden nightclub downtown turned into friendships that have sustained me for years. The barista at Horizon Line Coffee who noticed my pronoun pin and whispered "family" while handing me my latte became my first local guide.
The Heartland Heartache
Let's be real though—it's not always easy. The challenges hit differently here:
- Dating pools that feel more like puddles (I've gone on dates with my ex's ex without realizing it)
- Well-meaning but exhausting questions from coworkers
- The constant internal GPS of knowing which spaces are truly safe
- Winter isolation that amplifies loneliness
Finding Your People in the Prairie
If you're feeling adrift, please know there are anchors:
- Iowa Safe Schools hosts regular community events beyond just youth programming
- One Iowa connects folks across the state with surprising effectiveness
- The Des Moines Social Club (RIP) has spiritual successors in popup events
- Create what you need—my book club started with just three queer folks and now has fifteen
Remember that queerness has always existed in places like Iowa. We aren't visitors—we're part of the heartland's fabric. Your presence here matters. Those lonely moments? I've felt them too. We all have.
What's your Des Moines experience been like? Drop a comment below or DM me about joining our monthly potluck. The next one has a "breakfast for dinner" theme and I promise my quiche is worth braving the cold for!