Finding Queer Joy in Small-Town Maryland: My Hagerstown Journey
Have you ever felt like the only rainbow fish swimming in a very small, very straight pond? That was me three years ago when I first moved to Hagerstown, wondering if I'd ever find my people in this historic railroad town.
When Hagerstown Became Home
I remember walking through City Park that first autumn, leaves crunching underfoot, wondering if I'd made a terrible mistake. The historic homes were charming, but where were the pride flags? The queer coffee shops? Anyone with an undercut and pronounced opinions about Hayley Kiyoko?
The Invisible Tightrope
Being queer in smaller communities comes with unique challenges:
- The constant mental calculations about when to come out (Is the grocery store cashier safe to be yourself with?)
- Dating pools so small they're basically puddles
- The exhausting dance between visibility and safety
- Finding community spaces that aren't a 45-minute drive away
Creating Space When None Exists
Here's what I've learned works:
- Start tiny: My first "queer gathering" was just three people meeting at The Plum restaurant downtown
- Connect virtually first: Local Facebook groups helped me find others before meeting IRL
- Brave the drive to Frederick or even DC occasionally for bigger events
- Be the representation you want to see—my rainbow pin has started more meaningful connections than any dating app
Remember, there are more of us here than you think. Behind those historic facades and traditional exteriors beat hearts just like yours. Your queerness isn't diminished by geography.
What's your small-town queer experience like? Does Hagerstown feel different to you? Share below—this space is for all of us.