Finding Your Queer Family in Small-Town America
Have you ever felt like the only rainbow fish swimming in a very straight pond? That was me, standing on Frederick Avenue in downtown St. Joseph, wondering if I was truly the only queer person for miles around.
My St. Joseph Story
When I moved to St. Joseph three years ago for that museum curator position I couldn't pass up, I brought my pride flag and a heart full of hope. The brick buildings and rolling Missouri hills were charming, but the dating apps showed the same five profiles on repeat, and the closest LGBTQ+ center was an hour's drive away in Kansas City.
The Invisible Community Challenge
Let's talk about what makes queer life in smaller cities like St. Joseph uniquely challenging:
- The dating pool that feels more like a dating puddle
- Creating chosen family when biological family might be complicated
- Constant coming out to new acquaintances who assume heteronormativity
- Finding safe spaces when there's no dedicated queer venues
Building Connection Anyway
Despite these hurdles, I've discovered beautiful ways to cultivate queer community here:
- Start small: Our monthly potluck began with just three people at Krug Park
- Look beyond labels: Some allies became my strongest supporters
- Utilize online communities while building in-person connections
- Be visibly, authentically you - you become the beacon others need
Remember, you're never truly alone, even when it feels that way. Your queerness is valid whether you're surrounded by hundreds at a pride parade or sitting solo in your apartment with a pride flag in the window.
How are you finding or building community where you are? Share your story below - your experience might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today.