Finding My Queer Joy in Suburban North Carolina
Have you ever felt like the only rainbow fish in a crystal-clear pond? That was me when I first moved to Cary, North Carolina—a place known more for its manicured lawns than its vibrant queer scene.
My Cary Coming-Out Story
Three years ago, I traded Brooklyn's bustling queer neighborhoods for Cary's quiet streets. My partner got a tech job at Research Triangle Park, and suddenly I found myself navigating life as a visibly queer person in what felt like suburban silence. Those first months, I'd drive 20 minutes to Durham just to feel seen in queer-friendly spaces.
When You're "Too Queer" for the Suburbs
The struggle is real when:
- You're constantly deciding whether to come out to new neighbors
- Dating apps show the same 15 people within a 25-mile radius
- Well-meaning colleagues ask about your "friend" when referring to your partner
- Finding queer-friendly healthcare feels like a research project
Creating Queer Community Where You Are
What I've learned is that queer joy exists everywhere—sometimes we just need to create it:
- The Out! Raleigh Pride festival became my annual soul-replenishment
- I started a monthly queer book club at Gather, a local coffee shop
- Found surprising allies at the Cary Community Garden
- Connected with queer families through Triangle Families Like Mine
Remember, suburban queerness isn't less valid or vibrant—it just looks different. Our presence here matters, creating pathways for others who will come after us.
How are you creating queer community where you live? Share your story below, or DM me if you're local and want to grab coffee!